What do I do in a time like this
When nothing seems to ever work out right
Why does it seem like my life is piss
And all I wanna do is get beat up in a fight?
Get my teeth knocked out,
Getting beat to a pulp
Why does that sound so appealing to me?
Maybe because, in reality
That’s what I’m actually for.
I’m so used to being told I’m garbage and shit
That I can expect nothing more.
Takin a knife, cutting and stabbing
Every inch of skin and flesh
Until not an inch of me isn’t covered in blood
And I lie there in pain, but secretly
I’m loving every second of my own misery.
I enjoy the flow of that gooey red mess
That I want to be emptied of,
I might as well confess.
The feeling of pain, I have become accustomed to
Hell, I would beat myself til I was all black and blue.
Until every inch of me
Was either bruised or bloody
God, I love the feeling of pain
I’d be willing to feel it again and again.
Beat me to death, it really matters not
Punch me in the nose so it’s just blood and snot
Break every bone in my miserable self
Sever my legs in half so I could pass as an elf.
What would I do to defend myself?
Nothing, I’d tell you fuck you, I love what you do
Every punch, every kick, I’ll be getting off to it.
And when I’m nothing but crippled, lying on the floor,
I’d piss you off more by calling your mother a whore.
There’s nothing you can do to me
That could make me feel more shitty
I’ve had my heart torn out, emotionally
You might as well tear it out literally.
It wouldn’t make a difference, it’s all just the same.
I would rather have physical than emotional pain.
And if by this time, I still wasn’t dead, I’d point to a boulder
And tell you “drop it over my head”
You might consider this a little extreme
But what do I care, life isn’t worth a thing.
I’d rather be dead, than suffer through life,
Watching every one I care about cut themselves with a knife
Or die of some horrible way, that was even remotely my fault
I’d take their place, even if it meant joining a cult.
I’d take all your weed, and smoke it all up
That way I wouldn’t feel a thing while you’re fucking me up.
But even if I didn’t, it wouldn’t even matter.
All I want to do is witness all my blood splatter.